http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php Copyright 2008, The Joke Index mj@thejokeindex.com The Joke Index mj@thejokeindex.com en-US SPHPBLOG 0.4.8 http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080625-141141
A bit further down the path, the wife's horse stumbles when stepping over a fallen tree. The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes, and boldly states, "That's two!" He returns to his saddle and they move on.

As the afternoon sun began to set, the wife's horse once again lost its footing on a mossy slope. The man dismounts, moves to the wife's horse, and helps his wife out of the saddle. Moving to the front of the horse he stares it in the eyes and firmly says, "That's three," removes a pistol from his jacket, and shoots the horse dead.

The wife, quite upset at seeing the beautiful horse killed, says to her husband, "That's terrible, why would you do such a thing!"

The man stares at his wife and firmly says, "That's one!"]]> http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080625-141141 The Joke Index mj@thejokeindex.com Wed, 25 Jun 2008 21:11:41 GMT http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=06&entry=entry080625-141141 http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080529-234420
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

"Ours is prettier," she replies.]]> http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080529-234420 The Joke Index mj@thejokeindex.com Fri, 30 May 2008 04:44:20 GMT http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080529-234420 http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080521-201511 LUST - - when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - - when your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care.

LOVE - - when you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - - when you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - - when you argue over money.

LOVE - - when you share everything you own.
LUST - - when you think twice about giving your partner half of your sandwich.
MARRIAGE - - when the bank owns everything.

LOVE - - when you phone each other just to say "Hello".
LUST - - when you phone each other just to arrange sex.
MARRIAGE - - when you phone each other to find out what time your son's game starts.

LOVE - - when you write poems about the one you love.
LUST - - when all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - - when all you write are checks.

LOVE - - when you show concern for your true love's feelings.
LUST - - when you don't give a darn.
MARRIAGE - - when your only concern is what's next on TV.

LOVE - - when your farewell is "I love you darling ..."
LUST - - when your farewell is "So, same time next week?"
MARRIAGE - - when your farewell is silent.

LOVE - - when you are proud to be seen in public with your true love.
LUST - - when you only ever see each other in the bedroom.
MARRIAGE - - when you never see each other awake.

LOVE - - when your heart flutters everytime you see them.
LUST - - when your groin twitches everytime you see them.
MARRIAGE - - when your wallet empties everytime you see them.

LOVE - - when nobody else matters.
LUST - - when nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE - - when everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

LOVE - - when all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST - - when it's just the same mushy old junk.
MARRIAGE - - when you never listen to music.

LOVE - - when breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST - - when staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE - - when just getting through today is your only thought.

LOVE - - when you're interested in everything your partner does.
LUST - - when you're only interested in one thing.
MARRIAGE - - when you're not interested in what your partner does and the one thing you're interested in is your golf score.]]> http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080521-201511 The Joke Index mj@thejokeindex.com Thu, 22 May 2008 01:15:11 GMT http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080521-201511 http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080513-231816
"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."]]> http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080513-231816 The Joke Index mj@thejokeindex.com Wed, 14 May 2008 04:18:16 GMT http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080513-231816 http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080509-212714
I married Mr. Right. I just didn't know his first name was Always.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. (Ann Bancroft)

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied, "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man."]]> http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080509-212714 The Joke Index mj@thejokeindex.com Sat, 10 May 2008 02:27:14 GMT http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080509-212714 http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080509-212238
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted' . Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.']]> http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080509-212238 The Joke Index mj@thejokeindex.com Sat, 10 May 2008 02:22:38 GMT http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080509-212238 http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080507-015943
His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"
]]> http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080507-015943 The Joke Index mj@thejokeindex.com Wed, 07 May 2008 06:59:43 GMT http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080507-015943 http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080503-201922
Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact he was feared.

To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.

Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked , "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life?"

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let the old creep dig. I had him buried upside down.]]> http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080503-201922 The Joke Index mj@thejokeindex.com Sun, 04 May 2008 01:19:22 GMT http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080503-201922 http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080430-210131
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the man dressed in black?"]]> http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080430-210131 The Joke Index mj@thejokeindex.com Thu, 01 May 2008 02:01:31 GMT http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080430-210131 http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080426-211038
Bill says: "Have you ever said something when you meant to say something else?"

"How do you mean?" said Paul.

"Well, see the other day whem buying airline tickets, instead of asking for two tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for two pickets to Titsberg"

"Yeah, I know what you mean," said Paul. "Last week I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say 'Please pass me the Sugar.' But what came out was "Shut up you witch, you've ruined my life!"]]> http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080426-211038 The Joke Index mj@thejokeindex.com Sun, 27 Apr 2008 02:10:38 GMT http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080426-211038 http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080423-234312
He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Larry looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean.

So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table: "Darling, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen, and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating.
Al asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious, broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Al asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married'!"]]> http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080423-234312 The Joke Index mj@thejokeindex.com Thu, 24 Apr 2008 04:43:12 GMT http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080423-234312 http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080422-171828
For fifty years Bill left the box alone until Jean was old and dying. One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important. Opening it, he found two doilies and $90,200 in cash.

He took the box to her and asked about the contents.

"My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained. "She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you."

Bill was very touched that in 50 years she'd only been mad at him twice.

"What's the $90,200 for?" he asked.

"Oh, that's the money I made selling the rest of the doilies."]]> http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/index.php?entry=entry080422-171828 The Joke Index mj@thejokeindex.com Tue, 22 Apr 2008 22:18:28 GMT http://marriagejokes.thejokeindex.com/comments.php?y=08&m=04&entry=entry080422-171828